


At Least We Were Here

by WhereverMySITakesMe



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: At Least it Was Here, F/F, Inspired by Music, Sort Of, positivity, references to death, references to temple bombing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28982922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereverMySITakesMe/pseuds/WhereverMySITakesMe
Summary: In a stolen moment, Ahsoka and Barriss talk about life and death and what they'll leave behind.
Relationships: Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	At Least We Were Here

Both of the commanders were the paragons of professionalism that were expected of Jedi, even those still in their teens. They fought bravely, planned competently and lead valiantly. So, naturally, no one objected when on their third evening on Saleucami both girls choose to take their meals in their quarters and Ahsoka surreptitiously asked Rex to leave them undisturbed if at all possible.

Barriss would have objected to that, if she’d known. She always tried so hard to behave like the perfect Jedi. To do what was expected of her. In truth, that worried Ahsoka. Even when it was just the two of them, Barriss was reserved and it was rare for her to show any sign of emotion. But when Ahsoka did manage to coax something out of her, the results were concerning. Barriss was clearly struggling on the inside, even though she tried to hide it.

Ahsoka hoped she did some good by giving her friend someone she could talk to and encouraging her to open up. If nothing else, it was the best way to find out what **would** help. Barriss certainly wouldn’t ask for support unprompted.

Tonight, Ahsoka was sprawled on her bunk with a bowl of stew balance on her stomach, internally debating how to start the conversation, while opposite her, Barriss was perched neatly on the edge of her bunk, with her feet tucked neatly underneath it, picking at her own food. Surprisingly, it was the Mirialan who spoke first.

“Ahsoka, are you afraid of death?”

“I think we’re going to be okay” Ahsoka replied carefully “We wouldn’t have been able to sneak off like this if things were bad out there”

“Not now. Just..in general” Barriss kept her eyes down.

“I don’t know” Ahsoka admitted “I don’t think about it much, I guess”

“Hasn’t your Master talked to about it?”

“About death?”

Barriss nodded “To prepare you. Luminera does it with me all the time. To make sure we’re both ready” She paused, taking a moment to blow on her food “It’s her duty as a Jedi Master, of course. The Code tells us not to fear death- or own or other’s. But...she does it so often. Sometimes I wonder if she’d have taken me as a Padawan at all if I came of age after the start of the war”

“I see” Ahsoka said simply, letting the other girl continue speaking, but moved so that she was sitting up properly and giving Barriss her full attention.

“I expect the council would have made her, eventually. When someone found out I had healing abilities they would have wanted me on the front and there’s no one else who could take me”

“Hmm?” Ahsoka tilted her head

“Mirialan Padawans can only have Mirianlan Masters”

“Ah.” Ahsoka paused before probing gently “You think she didn’t want to take you on?”

“No...it’s not that. I just think she looked at me and thought ‘This girl won’t see the end of the war’”

“You’re talented, Barriss. And smart. Your Master knows that”

“I’m not being down on myself, Ahsoka. Jedi- Padawans, Knights and Masters, the very best of us- are all dying. More of us will be gone by the time the war is over”

“We have to have hope, Barriss”

“I do.” Barriss said, though her voice was heavy with tiredness “It isn’t like I can lie down and give up. I do my best to survive so that I can fight and heal another day”

For a description of hope, that was pretty depressing. Ahsoka moved forward on her bunk and put her hand over Barriss’ “That’s not what I meant. What do **you** want?”

Barriss took a moment to think, her hand cool and still underneath Ahsoka’s, before she said “I don’t want to pretend that I’m not likely to be dead in a year’s time. I want to know that we’ll leave something behind. Whether one of us dies in this awful war or we both do. Or if something splits us apart.” She turned her hand over to hold Ahoska’s “I don’t want what we have to just disappear”

“It won’t” Ahsoka tightened her grip on Barriss’ hand, finding the words as she spoke “Even if there wasn’t a war, we would both die eventually. But… at least we were here. Not here as in ‘alive’ but here. Now. Doing this. No one can take away what has already passed between us. Whatever it was”

The tension in Barriss’ face softened  a little  “ You’re right, Ahsoka. You’re always so good with words ” She looked around the small,  bland room “ I should focus on  the now. Not how soon it could all be over”

Ahsoka reached up with her free hand to touch Barriss’ face “No should. We have here and now. You can spend it however you want” She lightly moved her thumb across Barriss’ cheekbone “Just being with you is enough for me”

Barriss took Ahsoka’s hand in hers again “You’re amazing”

“Don’t. I’ll get big headed” Ahsoka said jokingly. She didn’t say how it was easier for her than it was for Barriss. She didn’t feel the grinding exhaustion that Barriss always seemed to wear, she didn’t contemplate her own morality and she had a Master who was kind and supportive. It was easy for her to put a positive spin on things, and to find the energy to give her friend support.

“You are already big headed” Bariss teased and Ahsoka was pleased to see that she was smiling “I’m surprised you haven’t already tried to brag about your adventures with Master Skywalker”

“Is that a request?”

“I wouldn’t say no” With that, the conversation moved on to happier things or, at least, different things. 

Eventually, of course, their talk ended and the girls got some rest before returning to the fight. And, eventually, they left the planet and went their separate ways. And, eventually, they met again and parted again, and met, and parted over and over, weaving a story between them.

In the end, everything Ahsoka did wasn’t enough and they were split apart forever.  And  then , inevitably ,  came the day when they were  both were  no more .

But, as promised, they left behind a legacy of stolen moments and stolen kisses. Vid calls between ships systems apart. Laughter in a sketchy restaurant in a downmarket part of Courscant. Fighting side-by-side,  sharing a silent bond  and an overwhelming trust .  A night spent in the same bunk. The light returning to Barriss’ eyes after a long day. Ahsoka’s face splitting wide as she laughed.  Touches that said things that word’s couldn’t

And of missed calls and messages read days after their sending. The heart-rending waste of walking through the Courscant streets alone. The fear of days, or weeks without contact. Scanning news-feed for reports of far away planets, praying not to see a familiar name. Never being able to name their feelings. Loss and regret and lies.

All of it came together to form t he patchwork of “here’s” and “now’s”  that Barriss and Ahsoka shared, that  were what they behind,  that  i n some ways out shone everything else .


End file.
